Excellent article. I just shared this article with parents
on my Facebook Group MaMa & BeBe as well. 😉
Indeed toddlers have a need for order and sameness as what Dr Maria Montessori says, “In the first two years of life, children are in a sensitive period for order and are especially attentive to things being put in their proper places and done in proper ways. During this period, children get upset if someone who usually wears a hat is not wearing one, or if a chair that is always in one place gets moved to a different place. The temper of the 2-year-old are often due to adults being insensitive to the child’s particularly strong need for order and sameness. For the tiny child, order is like the plane on which terrestrial beings must rest if they are to go forward.”
My son is 2 ans very spirited, full of will and determination. He is also very provocative and always tries to do things that are forbidden, he does not listen ‘no’ or other variants and is often touching, throwing, making fall objects in the House or outside. I try not to forbid or impose when not necessery, try to explain, but the tantrums are always there. I can see why your daughter reacted the way she did, but what if it was about something with no ‘good’ reason? Like screaming for something she can t hâve or do because it s just too dangerous or plain impossible? What if it happened 20 times a day?
I m so tired of power struggles. And i think that some kids are just more impulsive and spirited than others. But All i see on montessori blogs are children who are pretty calm and have a great sense of order. What about the child who acts like a tornado and destroy his and your things? What about the kid who is always testing the limits, hits and have fists?
I try my best to do montessori because, in many ways, it s what i think is best for me And my kid. But i often feel either incompetent or lonely regarding what i read and see on blogs. Do you know any Resources for différent kind of children? Maybe adhd related?
Thank you for your blog, i love thé videos!
星期二, 4月 23rd, 2013 9:33 pm | Anais
Dear Anais,
I’m so glad you wrote to ask these questions. I watned to emphasize in my article that often when it seems like children are just screaming for no good reason, it’s actually because some need of the child is not getting addressed. It may look like to you that he is being provocative and doing dangerous things on purpose but perhaps you have overlooked a need of his. I don’t know what you son’s needs are without seeing him and talking to you further, but that’s when the detective work comes in.
The children you see on Montessori blogs and classrooms are not calm because they are born that way. It is all in the environment. How to set up that environment, both physical and emotional, is a big area of study that us Montessorians spend years of our lives testing and improving. The environments has been tested over and over all around the world for 100 years now, since Dr. Montessori created her first classroom. And each of us who work in our own Montessori environments are still improving upon it for the specific children in our classrooms and homes. Our job is to figure out how to make it perfect for all the various personalities and temperaments of the children we have. And I challenge you to consider that is your job as well. How to make that home environment perfect for your child’s temperament and personality. Please contact me individually and we can chat on the phone to see if there is something you can try differently.
星期三, 4月 24th, 2013 3:30 pm | Stephanie Woo
Thank you so much for creating this blog. It has really given me a better understanding of what Montessori is, and should be, all about.
This is a little premature, I suppose, but I’m just wondering what plans you have for B and M as they get older. Will they be going to a Montessori elementary school or some other kind of school with a philosophy that you are comfortable with? And how do you plan on transitioning the girls into this new environment?
Also, for much much much future planning, have you heard of Sudbury Valley Schools? What do you think about their school philosophy?
星期三, 5月 1st, 2013 6:55 pm | Victoria Chung
HI Anais,
I hear your frustrations as a parent! Why the heck is your child a tornado and these freaking Montessorians preaching perfectly calm and orderly children. I hear how it can create doubt in your parenting abilities especially when you resonate with the Montessori approach.
It can be really tricky to figure out why your child is acting, reacting, or responding. Some times it can feel from the adult/parent perspective that there is nothing to be upset about. Unfortunately children do not have the communication skills where they can clearly say why they are in uproar. Fortunately for us as adults we can try our best to guess what it is that is causing the upset.
One thing I do as a fun game for myself is to practice my observation skills of the children (and myself). I will quietly watch and listen to what s/he is doing as an individual and as a group. Then I will try to guess what s/he and/or the group will do next. For example a child is dribbling with a basketball by herself. Another child is walking near the girl dribbling the basketball. The girl dribbling the basketball stops dribbling and pushes the child walking near her down. Then the girl continues to dribble the basketball while the other child is crying.
The question is why the heck did the girl push the other child down? It seems unprovoked and out of no where. My best guess is that the girl felt threatened when the child was “too close” to the basketball and needed space. She took action to make sure that her ball would not be taken by the other child.
What I have to do as the grown up is to be objective and ask “what happened?” And if I still need clarity I let the child know what I saw (as if it was a photograph) and be completely objective to what I saw. Then I need to make my best guess and find out if I am right or wrong. If I still can’t figure it out, then I try to find a pattern. And if I can’t figure out what the pattern is then I need to figure out what I can do to prevent these outburst to occur.
Otherwise as for other resources to look up about are temperaments and sensory processing disorder and occupational therapy.
You are so correct. I felt the same way even before reading any Montessori. Even caring for other people’s children. I felt so often the adults just misunderstand what is going on. So for our twins, I was careful to watch what they wanted and see what was really going on — not what others interpret as being spoiled. We were so deeply fortunate. Essentially we had no terrible two’s with our twins. I thought — dang… ain’t we lucky? And then came 3. They waited until they were 3 to deliver it with extra drama. 🙂 But again, I would always strive to see what is it that they really want? Once I could ask questions, let them be in charge of the things they could do, instead of order them around, it got very easy. Easy for them, but after a lifetime of ordering my brothers and sisters around — not so easy for me to change… ha!
You have delivered a very important piece of information here. That they need external order until they can create internal order around age 6.
Thank you so much. I have 1.5 years left to enjoy helping them create external order. I love to do it as the results are pure magic.
Excellent article. I just shared this article with parents
on my Facebook Group MaMa & BeBe as well. 😉
Indeed toddlers have a need for order and sameness as what Dr Maria Montessori says, “In the first two years of life, children are in a sensitive period for order and are especially attentive to things being put in their proper places and done in proper ways. During this period, children get upset if someone who usually wears a hat is not wearing one, or if a chair that is always in one place gets moved to a different place. The temper of the 2-year-old are often due to adults being insensitive to the child’s particularly strong need for order and sameness. For the tiny child, order is like the plane on which terrestrial beings must rest if they are to go forward.”
My son is 2 ans very spirited, full of will and determination. He is also very provocative and always tries to do things that are forbidden, he does not listen ‘no’ or other variants and is often touching, throwing, making fall objects in the House or outside. I try not to forbid or impose when not necessery, try to explain, but the tantrums are always there. I can see why your daughter reacted the way she did, but what if it was about something with no ‘good’ reason? Like screaming for something she can t hâve or do because it s just too dangerous or plain impossible? What if it happened 20 times a day?
I m so tired of power struggles. And i think that some kids are just more impulsive and spirited than others. But All i see on montessori blogs are children who are pretty calm and have a great sense of order. What about the child who acts like a tornado and destroy his and your things? What about the kid who is always testing the limits, hits and have fists?
I try my best to do montessori because, in many ways, it s what i think is best for me And my kid. But i often feel either incompetent or lonely regarding what i read and see on blogs. Do you know any Resources for différent kind of children? Maybe adhd related?
Thank you for your blog, i love thé videos!
Dear Anais,
I’m so glad you wrote to ask these questions. I watned to emphasize in my article that often when it seems like children are just screaming for no good reason, it’s actually because some need of the child is not getting addressed. It may look like to you that he is being provocative and doing dangerous things on purpose but perhaps you have overlooked a need of his. I don’t know what you son’s needs are without seeing him and talking to you further, but that’s when the detective work comes in.
The children you see on Montessori blogs and classrooms are not calm because they are born that way. It is all in the environment. How to set up that environment, both physical and emotional, is a big area of study that us Montessorians spend years of our lives testing and improving. The environments has been tested over and over all around the world for 100 years now, since Dr. Montessori created her first classroom. And each of us who work in our own Montessori environments are still improving upon it for the specific children in our classrooms and homes. Our job is to figure out how to make it perfect for all the various personalities and temperaments of the children we have. And I challenge you to consider that is your job as well. How to make that home environment perfect for your child’s temperament and personality. Please contact me individually and we can chat on the phone to see if there is something you can try differently.
Thank you so much for creating this blog. It has really given me a better understanding of what Montessori is, and should be, all about.
This is a little premature, I suppose, but I’m just wondering what plans you have for B and M as they get older. Will they be going to a Montessori elementary school or some other kind of school with a philosophy that you are comfortable with? And how do you plan on transitioning the girls into this new environment?
Also, for much much much future planning, have you heard of Sudbury Valley Schools? What do you think about their school philosophy?
HI Anais,
I hear your frustrations as a parent! Why the heck is your child a tornado and these freaking Montessorians preaching perfectly calm and orderly children. I hear how it can create doubt in your parenting abilities especially when you resonate with the Montessori approach.
It can be really tricky to figure out why your child is acting, reacting, or responding. Some times it can feel from the adult/parent perspective that there is nothing to be upset about. Unfortunately children do not have the communication skills where they can clearly say why they are in uproar. Fortunately for us as adults we can try our best to guess what it is that is causing the upset.
One thing I do as a fun game for myself is to practice my observation skills of the children (and myself). I will quietly watch and listen to what s/he is doing as an individual and as a group. Then I will try to guess what s/he and/or the group will do next. For example a child is dribbling with a basketball by herself. Another child is walking near the girl dribbling the basketball. The girl dribbling the basketball stops dribbling and pushes the child walking near her down. Then the girl continues to dribble the basketball while the other child is crying.
The question is why the heck did the girl push the other child down? It seems unprovoked and out of no where. My best guess is that the girl felt threatened when the child was “too close” to the basketball and needed space. She took action to make sure that her ball would not be taken by the other child.
What I have to do as the grown up is to be objective and ask “what happened?” And if I still need clarity I let the child know what I saw (as if it was a photograph) and be completely objective to what I saw. Then I need to make my best guess and find out if I am right or wrong. If I still can’t figure it out, then I try to find a pattern. And if I can’t figure out what the pattern is then I need to figure out what I can do to prevent these outburst to occur.
Otherwise as for other resources to look up about are temperaments and sensory processing disorder and occupational therapy.
Hope that helps!
Daisy, Stephanie’s Cousin
You are so correct. I felt the same way even before reading any Montessori. Even caring for other people’s children. I felt so often the adults just misunderstand what is going on. So for our twins, I was careful to watch what they wanted and see what was really going on — not what others interpret as being spoiled. We were so deeply fortunate. Essentially we had no terrible two’s with our twins. I thought — dang… ain’t we lucky? And then came 3. They waited until they were 3 to deliver it with extra drama. 🙂 But again, I would always strive to see what is it that they really want? Once I could ask questions, let them be in charge of the things they could do, instead of order them around, it got very easy. Easy for them, but after a lifetime of ordering my brothers and sisters around — not so easy for me to change… ha!
You have delivered a very important piece of information here. That they need external order until they can create internal order around age 6.
Thank you so much. I have 1.5 years left to enjoy helping them create external order. I love to do it as the results are pure magic.