當小孩不願意穿上衣服怎麼辦
蒙特梭利博士說“跟隨兒童”。我一直遵循著這樣的觀點，但是與小孩身體保暖有關時除外。
我總覺得我的小孩身體有點涼，在遊樂場玩的亞洲小孩都穿的好多，顯示著，這可能是個亞洲人的習慣。只要溫度掉到72華氏度一下，我就會想著小孩應該要穿著襪子，而且應該多加一件衣服，經常，我就會要求或強迫我的小孩穿上外套，或者我會用不同的方式威脅，讓她們可以穿上襪子。有好多次，我都發脾氣了，對家裡的阿姨或者我老公喊著“小孩的手都冰涼的！”孩子早上穿衣服，都是我幫她們穿的，雖然我知道她們能自己穿，你也看過她們自己穿衣服的視頻，但是，她們都不再自己穿了，最近，穿衣服真的是個我們一起掙扎的事情。
兩天前，我的朋友Brenda和她五歲的女兒Gerren來我們家，我們正準備要出門，正巧看見Gerren走進來，她說“外頭很冷。我要穿上我的外套。”當下，我說不出話來，我看著Brenda，她解釋著自己從來沒有強迫Gerren穿外套，“她自己知道冷熱。”Brenda如話家常一般的說著。
然後我給我堂姐Daisy打電話，請教她給個建議，她就說了簡單的幾個字“相信你的小孩。”
我準備好做一些改變了，我告訴我老公以及阿姨，從現在開始，我們早上會問小孩一次（早上是家裡溫度比較低的時候），她們是否想要穿暖和一點，如果她們說不要，我們就不強迫她們，出門之前，我們不幫孩子穿衣服，如果要出門去玩的時候到了，而有人衣服沒穿好，那麼就會有一個成人留在家裡陪她。然後我跟小孩解釋了新規矩，她們看著我，點點頭。
第二天早上，我穿上了我的羊絨毛衣以及羊毛襪，Mackenzie決定她要裸著身體，有三個小時，她都沒有穿衣服，Brooke只穿了薄薄的衣服，我守著我的承諾，什麼都沒有說。出門之前，我很冷靜的跟她們說“媽媽要準備出門了，我準備好了，就要出門去公園，當我準備好，你還沒有穿好衣服，你就會跟阿姨待在家裡。”中間，她們有點分神，但是我只要簡單的提醒她們，阿姨也提醒了她們，她們就主動的穿好整套衣服。
結果，我才是那一個需要改變的人，整個的掙扎，其實是我造成的，因為，我不想要她們生病，終於我放下了我的擔心，相信孩子們真的能自知冷暖。在一周以後，我寫這一篇文章，我們都沒有因為穿衣服而掙扎了（而且也沒有人生病），我很驚訝於這整個過程是那麼的順利！
如果，你跟你的孩子還在掙扎，停下來，不要去找你的小孩有什麼問題，其實需要改變的是“你”，當你改變了，小孩也都好了。
給所有家裡有小小孩的你：和平是有可能的！
Oh, how I struggled with this over the winter! My girls — who had never worn winter gear — hated wearing coats and mitts, and would refuse. I finally decided to have them open the door and check the temperature. If they still refused to wear winter gear, I let them go out the door with whatever, but I’d bring their coats, mitts, etc with us. Inevitably, they’d eventually get cold and ask for their coats. If I hadn’t done this, we would never have gotten outside! I still have to use this approach today — have them step outside and then decide. I encourage them to wear what I think is going to help them stay most comfortable, and then I let it go.
Love hearing your experience. Thanks for sharing, Zoe!
Thank you for sharing. We are having the same struggle in our home and I am grateful for your perspective and experience. I am going to try it out today!
Chelsea,
Let me know how it goes!
Stephanie
Well….yes and no.
My children (twin boys age 3.4) prefer to be naked all of the time.
To get them to put on clothes is the source of stress every single day.
I don’t have the option of saying “if you don’t get dressed you stay home” because there is no one at home to stay home with! It’s just me.
And if one twin gets dressed (and yes, they dress themselves) and the other one is not….that’s not fair to stay home.
Forget about ME ‘dressing’ them. If they don’t want to get dressed, they will just take it right back off.
I let them wear whatever they want. That is not the issue. You want to wear rainboots on a sunny day? Go right ahead.
The issue is CLOTHING, period.
Any advice for a twin mom of future nudists?
Hi Pufferandthebabyfish,
I hear the challenges of being a single parent! I wanted to provide some suggestions to your need of advice.
It sounds like your children prefer being naked and how lovely that is that you allow for that at home. It also sounds like your children are resisting clothing for times to go out. Perhaps some boundaries and rules need to be in place from a kind and firm approach. It also sounds like you needs some natural and logical consequences if your children are and are not dressed.
Here are some ideas to toy with:
1. Letting them know your expectations and boundaries. It sounds like the minimum boundaries is that their top, bottom and feet are covered when in public.
2. Letting them contribute to their clothing. Let them pick out their clothing.
3. Preparation. Let them know what the plan is for the next day so they can make an informed decision of what to wear. Then let them pick out their clothing the night before.
4. Play Pretend. This is another way of preparation that can be fun too. Play pretend with them about what would you wear in particular weather. For example, what would someone where when it rains? Snows? Sunny? Why would you wear that when it rains? Snows? Sunny? And what if there is resistance to this game and they say something like when it snows we wear flip flops. You could make it funny and say sure let’s give it a try. Let’s all get our flip flops on and walk in the snow. You could pretend how cold your feet are and then decide to wear socks with your flip flops to keep your feet warm in the snow. Then you can pretend how wet your feet are in your socks and change into rain boots. I think the less you get upset with getting the right answer the funner and funnier it gets with young children. If you want to really get real you could even get a spray bottle to make rain, crushed ice for snow, blow dryer for a hot day. Use your imagination and FUN!
5. Let them know your expectations and boundaries again. Be sure to be clear and repeat your expectation and boundaries. Example: They can choose their own clothes and if they can’t make a choice then you will choose for them.
6. Finding natural and logical consequences that can actually work. Oh and don’t fall into power struggles with them! Let’s say they do not want to wear shoes then you can say “Great! No problem! No shoes then you can be in the stroller until you wear them. Let’s say they do not want to wear pants then you can say “Oh I hear you don’t want to wear pants. That’s fine. If you don’t want to wear pants then you can wear this long shirt so your bottom will still be covered but not restricting your legs”. It’s all about how to make it seem like they are empowered and you are helping them to achieve that empowerment.
7. Empathy and Validation! Basically you are trying to find a middle ground that will work for you and them with natural and logical consequences. And if it doesn’t work for them you can validate their their big feelings whether it be sad, angry, frustrated, disappointed, etc. In fact you can also let them know that you will still be going to (where ever it is) and they can have their big feelings of crying, yelling, shouting (probably easiest if in the stroller) while you are in public. This one is hard though because you will have to be strong not to let others’ judgment, stares and opinions stray you from why you are doing what you are doing as a parent.
7. Follow through is ABSOLUTELY key for natural and logical consequences to work. Mistakes will also happen on your part. And that is part of the learning process for you too of guessing what natural and logical consequence will work best for the situation.
8. Self Empathy! Parenting is freaking hard let alone being out numbered! Furthermore being a single parent is like being a superhero all the time even when you don’t have the energy too!
Good Luck!
Daisy, Stephanie’s cousin 🙂
Whoa. Reading the article and comments to it almost has me crying here. For a few weeks now, it has become apparent that my babe is a dreamer. She doesn’t refuse to get dressed, she just lives in hger own little world where getting dressed in the morning or putting on pyjamas at night does not seem to be as enticing as playing pretend with herself (and some imaginary friends), singing, or just looking around. It’s gotten tough since she realized that in the winter, we have to get up before dawn so that she gets to play in kindergarten before they go outside. She loves (and according to her teachers is very concentrated when) doing Montessori activities in kindergarten.
Out of desperation, I have now taken to yelling to get her out of her funk and just even hear me – never mind listening to what I’m saying.
There are plenty of additional specifics that make our situation tough to explain: I’m a single parent, she’s biracial and bilingual to name a very few.
It feels good and so bad as well to hear that others are struggling too and that there ARE ideas to solve the getting dressed “issue”. Thank you, all of you.
I am so glad you posted this! I was a little down, thinking I was the only one struggling!
Recently my boys(usually one or the other, never both at the same time) have become super fussy after a peaceful breakfast. It’s like they call out Dr. Jekyll and are a totally different child. They have multiple(but not too many) clothing options, sock and shoe choices too. They say “I can’t” for things the can totally do, before they even try to do it(shoes especially?!). Leaving them is not an option as everyone has to be at school/work at a specific time. I have even tried getting them up earlier. Everything starts out well, but then goes down hill after. But like I said, it can be one child one day, then the other the next- no rhyme or reason. It’s not like we put on their shoes for them at other times and theyre being spoiled and lazy. I wish I could capture the “whine” in this post: )
Like Zoe, I do bring the coat/mittens in case they change their mind. Thanks for letting us know we’re not alone!
I was following along until I read, “an adult would stay home with the child.” What is the alternative for a working parent who has no flexibility in staying home for the day? What if you have no choice but to leave no later than 8:15 am or your child’s preschool routine will be disrupted and you will be late for work? I don’t have a nanny that I can just leave my child with or a grandma that can just come over at the drop of a hat. I do my best to follow my child and let him do for himself but if I followed this advice when he protested, I would lose my job. I choose to work and the income is necessary too, so I don’t plan to become a stay at home mom to follow this. What’s the alternative to managing a protesting 3 year old when a schedule needs to be followed?
If there isn’t sufficient time in the morning, the most effective method I have used is to dress them in school clothes the night before! That way you can just pick them up out of bed and go straight to school!
Thank you for this article. My husband and I tried it this morning with our three year old and it made ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. Our son was happy, my husband was happy, and I was happy. He has been giving so much push back with wanting to get dressed and go anywhere. He would cry ad state he does not want to wear this or he does not want to wear his shirt because it has buttons and then I would put the shirt on him without buttons and he would not like that so I read this article and told him that he could pick anything in his closet (his clothes are on hangers) to wear, but once he picked it – that was it – no changing. I also told him that Daddy and I had somewhere to go and we wanted to take him with us, but if he started to fuss, he was going to stay at his grandmothers while we went out. My son loves his Granny, but would rather stay with us if he can, so he said OK, and went into his closet and picked out his outfit. Now, keep in my mind, the clothes that my three year old chose were not what I would have chose (including his chose of shoes) but my three year old turned around and gave me the biggest smile when he was getting in the car and I was just so pleased that he was able to get dressed and get in the car without everyone being upset and frustrated because he did not want to wear this or that… This may not work if you have some place dressy to go or if you do not have a grandmother nearby, but I would try a variation on it if you need to and see if it helps.
I adhere to this and it works when I have an open time-frame. But what about when I have to get out the door to get to work and can’t afford the luxury of waiting for my toddler to come around on her own?
But what about shoes? My little one wants to wear winter shoes in 26’c… that are too small. Also her clothes … she will try and rip all the clothes whatever they may be (I give her new set of clothes to wear every day) off of her. Help!
I too am a single mother who has to force my child to get dressed. While all of this sounds like a great idea in theory, realistically I cannot wait around for weeks until this works. Power struggles will continue because there is only 1 way to continue and we have to be out the door at a set time. I can’t stay home or else I cannot provide for her. End of story.
I am always curious about posts like these and what happened after this one incident. Do your kids now peacefully dress themselves every time? Does this work 50% of the time? I try this and it works for about a few days. Why do we always have to act like we’ve discovered the silver bullet?
thank you montessorionthedouble for giving me wonderful information