蒙特梭利博士說“跟隨兒童”。我一直遵循著這樣的觀點，但是與小孩身體保暖有關時除外。

我總覺得我的小孩身體有點涼，在遊樂場玩的亞洲小孩都穿的好多，顯示著，這可能是個亞洲人的習慣。只要溫度掉到72華氏度一下，我就會想著小孩應該要穿著襪子，而且應該多加一件衣服，經常，我就會要求或強迫我的小孩穿上外套，或者我會用不同的方式威脅，讓她們可以穿上襪子。有好多次，我都發脾氣了，對家裡的阿姨或者我老公喊著“小孩的手都冰涼的！”孩子早上穿衣服，都是我幫她們穿的，雖然我知道她們能自己穿，你也看過她們自己穿衣服的視頻，但是，她們都不再自己穿了，最近，穿衣服真的是個我們一起掙扎的事情。

兩天前，我的朋友Brenda和她五歲的女兒Gerren來我們家，我們正準備要出門，正巧看見Gerren走進來，她說“外頭很冷。我要穿上我的外套。”當下，我說不出話來，我看著Brenda，她解釋著自己從來沒有強迫Gerren穿外套，“她自己知道冷熱。”Brenda如話家常一般的說著。

然後我給我堂姐Daisy打電話，請教她給個建議，她就說了簡單的幾個字“相信你的小孩。”

我準備好做一些改變了，我告訴我老公以及阿姨，從現在開始，我們早上會問小孩一次（早上是家裡溫度比較低的時候），她們是否想要穿暖和一點，如果她們說不要，我們就不強迫她們，出門之前，我們不幫孩子穿衣服，如果要出門去玩的時候到了，而有人衣服沒穿好，那麼就會有一個成人留在家裡陪她。然後我跟小孩解釋了新規矩，她們看著我，點點頭。

第二天早上，我穿上了我的羊絨毛衣以及羊毛襪，Mackenzie決定她要裸著身體，有三個小時，她都沒有穿衣服，Brooke只穿了薄薄的衣服，我守著我的承諾，什麼都沒有說。出門之前，我很冷靜的跟她們說“媽媽要準備出門了，我準備好了，就要出門去公園，當我準備好，你還沒有穿好衣服，你就會跟阿姨待在家裡。”中間，她們有點分神，但是我只要簡單的提醒她們，阿姨也提醒了她們，她們就主動的穿好整套衣服。

結果，我才是那一個需要改變的人，整個的掙扎，其實是我造成的，因為，我不想要她們生病，終於我放下了我的擔心，相信孩子們真的能自知冷暖。在一周以後，我寫這一篇文章，我們都沒有因為穿衣服而掙扎了（而且也沒有人生病），我很驚訝於這整個過程是那麼的順利！

如果，你跟你的孩子還在掙扎，停下來，不要去找你的小孩有什麼問題，其實需要改變的是“你”，當你改變了，小孩也都好了。

給所有家裡有小小孩的你：和平是有可能的！

My husband is away on a business trip for 8 days. Our nanny recently went on a 6-week vacation. After three days of being alone with them, last night I had one of those I-hope-no-one-who-reads-my-blog-ever-sees-me-now kind of a moment. I’m in the middle of cleaning up after an elaborate, health-conscious, culturally-educational meal of braised sea bass, tofu with mushrooms and minced meat and a special rice dish with baby bok-choy, edamame and carrots. I’ve got dishes piled up to the ceiling in the sink, a table full of half-eaten food and wondering why I had gone through the trouble of cooking any of it. I’m trying to load the dishwasher as fast as possible, with B tugging at my pants saying, “Mama, don’t wash dishes,” It should have been a sign. Well, the girls decided to go into the rice cupboard, dump out 2 giant cups of uncooked rice on the floor then throw it at each other. “What are you doing? Stop! STOP! I knew I shouldn’t have kept this here where you can get to it!” I go upstairs to get the vacuum. When I come back, they had gotten into the flour and was smearing it all over the cupboard door. I grab their hands and pull them into the living room. “Stand here. And don’t move!” I’m absolutely fuming.

Hours later, I realized two things:
1. You cannot keep up a household the same way you did when you have a husband AND nanny.
2. Of the three most important people in B and M’s life, two of them are gone. And they are desperately trying to get my attention.

I’m still recovering from my burst of anger and ensuing exhaustion from cleaning, but I decided to have a conversation with them anyway. Communicating helps them understand what happened and helps me calm down. At bedtime, I held them and said, “Mama yelled very loudly today, didn’t I?” Nods all around. “Mama is very tired today, so when you threw rice everywhere, I got very angry. I’m sorry I yelled.” They don’t say anything. “When Daddy and Ayi are not here, I need you to help me keep the house clean. Can you help Mama keep the house clean these next few days?” It’s a lot to ask of a 2-year-old, but they nod.

This morning on our way to school, B says, “Brooke didn’t clean up.” I ask, “What didn’t you clean up?” She says, “Brooke didn’t clean up Play-doh.” “Do you want me to help you clean it up?” I ask. She says, “No. Brooke clean up Play-doh by herself.”

It took three days of exhaustion, misery and way too much yelling for me to learn this: No more elaborate meals. No more extensive cleaning. It is time to break out the disposable bowls and plates and do more take-out. They need time with me doing Play-doh, storytime and cuddles more than ever. The acting out is merely their way of getting my attention. I’m putting aside the idea of keeping the perfect home – I’m ready to get on with having the perfect time with them.

Well, I’ve found a great solution. I’ve replaced all bowls, plates and cups with the disposable kind. My goal is avoid washing dishes altogether before my husband comes home. And a couple days of take-out is going to be great for us.