蒙特梭利博士说“跟随儿童”。我一直遵循著这样的观点，但是与小孩身体保暖有关时除外。

我总觉得我的小孩身体有点凉，在遊乐场玩的亚洲小孩都穿的好多，显示著，这可能是个亚洲人的习惯。只要温度掉到72华氏度一下，我就会想著小孩应该要穿著袜子，而且应该多加一件衣服，经常，我就会要求或强迫我的小孩穿上外套，或者我会用不同的方式威胁，让她们可以穿上袜子。有好多次，我都发脾气了，对家里的阿姨或者我老公喊著“小孩的手都冰凉的！”孩子早上穿衣服，都是我帮她们穿的，虽然我知道她们能自己穿，你也看过她们自己穿衣服的视频，但是，她们都不再自己穿了，最近，穿衣服真的是个我们一起挣扎的事情。

两天前，我的朋友Brenda和她五岁的女儿Gerren来我们家，我们正準备要出门，正巧看见Gerren走进来，她说“外头很冷。我要穿上我的外套。”当下，我说不出话来，我看著Brenda，她解释著自己从来没有强迫Gerren穿外套，“她自己知道冷热。”Brenda如话家常一般的说著。

然後我给我堂姐Daisy打电话，请教她给个建议，她就说了简单的几个字“相信你的小孩。”

我準备好做一些改变了，我告诉我老公以及阿姨，从现在开始，我们早上会问小孩一次（早上是家里温度比较低的时候），她们是否想要穿暖和一点，如果她们说不要，我们就不强迫她们，出门之前，我们不帮孩子穿衣服，如果要出门去玩的时候到了，而有人衣服没穿好，那麽就会有一个成人留在家里陪她。然後我跟小孩解释了新规矩，她们看著我，点点头。

第二天早上，我穿上了我的羊绒毛衣以及羊毛袜，Mackenzie决定她要裸著身体，有叁个小时，她都没有穿衣服，Brooke只穿了薄薄的衣服，我守著我的承诺，什麽都没有说。出门之前，我很冷静的跟她们说“妈妈要準备出门了，我準备好了，就要出门去公园，当我準备好，你还没有穿好衣服，你就会跟阿姨待在家里。”中间，她们有点分神，但是我只要简单的提醒她们，阿姨也提醒了她们，她们就主动的穿好整套衣服。

结果，我才是那一个需要改变的人，整个的挣扎，其实是我造成的，因为，我不想要她们生病，终於我放下了我的担心，相信孩子们真的能自知冷暖。在一周以後，我写这一篇文章，我们都没有因为穿衣服而挣扎了（而且也没有人生病），我很惊讶於这整个过程是那麽的顺利！

如果，你跟你的孩子还在挣扎，停下来，不要去找你的小孩有什麽问题，其实需要改变的是“你”，当你改变了，小孩也都好了。

给所有家里有小小孩的你：和平是有可能的！

My husband is away on a business trip for 8 days. Our nanny recently went on a 6-week vacation. After three days of being alone with them, last night I had one of those I-hope-no-one-who-reads-my-blog-ever-sees-me-now kind of a moment. I’m in the middle of cleaning up after an elaborate, health-conscious, culturally-educational meal of braised sea bass, tofu with mushrooms and minced meat and a special rice dish with baby bok-choy, edamame and carrots. I’ve got dishes piled up to the ceiling in the sink, a table full of half-eaten food and wondering why I had gone through the trouble of cooking any of it. I’m trying to load the dishwasher as fast as possible, with B tugging at my pants saying, “Mama, don’t wash dishes,” It should have been a sign. Well, the girls decided to go into the rice cupboard, dump out 2 giant cups of uncooked rice on the floor then throw it at each other. “What are you doing? Stop! STOP! I knew I shouldn’t have kept this here where you can get to it!” I go upstairs to get the vacuum. When I come back, they had gotten into the flour and was smearing it all over the cupboard door. I grab their hands and pull them into the living room. “Stand here. And don’t move!” I’m absolutely fuming.

Hours later, I realized two things:
1. You cannot keep up a household the same way you did when you have a husband AND nanny.
2. Of the three most important people in B and M’s life, two of them are gone. And they are desperately trying to get my attention.

I’m still recovering from my burst of anger and ensuing exhaustion from cleaning, but I decided to have a conversation with them anyway. Communicating helps them understand what happened and helps me calm down. At bedtime, I held them and said, “Mama yelled very loudly today, didn’t I?” Nods all around. “Mama is very tired today, so when you threw rice everywhere, I got very angry. I’m sorry I yelled.” They don’t say anything. “When Daddy and Ayi are not here, I need you to help me keep the house clean. Can you help Mama keep the house clean these next few days?” It’s a lot to ask of a 2-year-old, but they nod.

This morning on our way to school, B says, “Brooke didn’t clean up.” I ask, “What didn’t you clean up?” She says, “Brooke didn’t clean up Play-doh.” “Do you want me to help you clean it up?” I ask. She says, “No. Brooke clean up Play-doh by herself.”

It took three days of exhaustion, misery and way too much yelling for me to learn this: No more elaborate meals. No more extensive cleaning. It is time to break out the disposable bowls and plates and do more take-out. They need time with me doing Play-doh, storytime and cuddles more than ever. The acting out is merely their way of getting my attention. I’m putting aside the idea of keeping the perfect home – I’m ready to get on with having the perfect time with them.

Well, I’ve found a great solution. I’ve replaced all bowls, plates and cups with the disposable kind. My goal is avoid washing dishes altogether before my husband comes home. And a couple days of take-out is going to be great for us.